Sunday, March 04, 2007

On a whiney note

I sometimes see other bloggers talk about how they don't blog much when things are going well and there are no problems to discuss on the blog. For me it seems to be the other way around. When things are going well and I am coasting along at work I have lots of ideas for blogging and the energy to write it down. Lately I been feeling so exhausted that I could barely string two sentences together in my free time, let alone think of anything to say. Quite ironically I'm not even exhausted from working too much, but rather from taking too much time off work to do other things. First my mom and sister were visiting for ten days, including two weekends. Absolutely wonderful to have them around for so long and I genuinely enjoyed it and wished they could have stayed longer, but weekends are my time to catch up on sleep, work, household chores and general me-time, so missing two in a row is noticeable. Last weekend I went to a family event in home country and once again everything here was left to its own devices. I got to spend time with my parents, siblings and baby nephews. It was wonderful to be home and I am glad I came and participated and I made my family happy, but I was so not ready for a new week when I came back on Monday.

I have been working during and in between all this family activity, but I have had NO energy at all for anything beyond work. I have skipped the gym for weeks, I cooked while I had visitors, but this past week I have been really sloppy an taken to lots of ready-made crap food, I left work early because I couldn't stand being there, but did nothing but watch TV once I came home and fantasised every morning about staying home/ calling in sick/ getting another job. I don't hate my job, but I feel a bit burned out right now. It is such a thin line between success and failure all the time and it takes such care and concentration to walk this line for weeks and months on end. It works if I go to bed at a reasonable time every night and have weekends off to pick up the slack at home, but as soon as something happens that throws me off the regular schedule everything slips. Apparently I don't function properly if I don't have two days a week to do nothing but stay at home and be good to myself. I wonder how I'd survived if I'd lived, say fifty years ago, where I don't think I could have expected anything of that sort.

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